i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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