New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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