He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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