Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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