i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
