Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
