Apparently you make a good broom.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
