your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
