Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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