Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize