sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
