But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
