her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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