herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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