What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
