I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
