Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
