I'm going to jail i love you
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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