hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
