she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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