they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize