I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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