Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
