Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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