So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
