my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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