I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
