Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
