sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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