You just made me feel so damn special
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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