I got chris browned last night
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
