i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
