I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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