please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
