I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
