I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
