she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
