Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
