he looks like a really good dad on facebook
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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