We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
