So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How's work?
Spinning.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize