I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
