so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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