i'm signing you up for texting rehab
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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