I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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