when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
