my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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