I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
