If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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