Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
