If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
