I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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