can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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