I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
