In the future we'll all be gay
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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