How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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