Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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