the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
