you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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