How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize