i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
