i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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