I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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