Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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