i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
