I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
