my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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