i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize