I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
