Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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