I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
