if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
