I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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