I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
