i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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