o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize