I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
