Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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